Why Men Lie and Women Cry (Allan & Barbara Pease)

REVIEW:

In January 2001, the "Mere Old Man" wrote an article based upon a book titled "Why men don't listen and women can't read maps," written by Allen and Barbara Pease. It was very, very interesting to, at least, the "Mere Old Man." Otherwise, he would not have written his article almost two years ago.

Anyway, the "Mere Old Man" bought the new book of the same couple, titled "Why men lie and women cry," from Amazon.com and read through it. This one was as amusing and interesting as the previous book of the couple. Even from the introduction, the "Mere Old Man" laughed and occasionally communed with himself. So, let the "Mere Old Man" quote partially from that introduction as follows:

"Why do men tell lies? Why do they feel they have to be right about every- thing? Why do they avoid commitment? On the other hand, why do women cry to get their own way? Why do they insist on talking a subject to death? Why don't they initiate sex more often?




"The gulf between the sexes, the misunderstandings and the conflict, even in the 21st century, are still as present in all our lives as they were when Adam first fell foul of Eve. In three decades of research into the differences between men and women, conducting experiments, analyzing miles of film footage, writing books, talking on TV and sharing information at conferences, we've received tens of thousands of questions about why we men and women behave in certain ways. The letters, the phone calls and the e-mails all come from people baffled by the kind of things the opposite sex does, and who feel frustrated and helpless in knowing exactly how to deal with them. As a result, we wrote 'Why Men Lie and Women Cry." Here, we've catalogued 40 of the most frequently asked questions from readers and audiences around the world and have endeavored to answer them using our experience, research, surveys, latest studies, the sciences and, lately, common sense. We then developed workable solutions to get you on the right track to communicating with the opposite sex.

"This book tackles those big 'need-to-know' questions women ask themselves at 1 a.m. on Sunday morning. Questions like, 'Why do men ogle other women?' and 'Why do they always keep telling me what to do and how to think?' Then there are those complexities men wrestle with at 10 a.m. on a Sunday morning, when they either wake up alone, or with their lover no longer talking to them. We go through all their questions too, like, 'Why don't women ever get to the points?', 'Why do they nag?' and 'Why do I have to pick up my socks at 10 a.m. on a Sunday morning?'
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A woman worries about the future until she gets
a husband. A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.
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"Science can now explain why women talk much, often 'beat around the bush', want to know the fine details about every one around them and seldom initiate sex. We now know there are evolutionary and biological reasons why men can only do one thing at a time, hate shopping, won't ask directions, want the toilet roll to face out from the wall rather than in, and know hardly anything about their friends' personal lives, despite just having spent a whole weekend fishing with them.

"In many ways, this book points out the obvious things most people miss. You have probably noticed how many women seem to have a biological urge to examine and buy decorative cushions, or rearranged furniture for men to trip over when they creep in late at night. Or how few women understand the thrill of watching the same sports replay over and over, while it's rare that men will view the discovery of a designer dress on clearance rack as one of life's major highlight.

This book is the second one of the same authors that the "Mere Old Man" has so far read. Yes, what the authors say is quite true, in general. But he feels that this book, "Why men lie and women cry," is oversimplifying the differences between men and women. There are always exceptions in our lives. For instance, there are those doctors who are specialized in gender change operations and it is said that most of them are quite successful. At any rate, to the eyes of the "Mere Old Man" this book contains more jokes than the previous one.
Although as already said, this book is amusing and enjoyable. But the intention of the authors to kill two birds with one stone is now in and now out of sight.

EXCERPTS:

Women Talk, Talk and Talk
" When a woman talks she often uses indirect speech. This means she hints at what she wants or infers things.
Women's indirect speech has a purpose - it builds relationships and rapport with other by avoiding aggression, confrontation or discord.
When women use indirect speech with other women there is seldom a problem - women are sensitive to picking up the real meaning. It can, however be disastrous when used on men.

Men Take Words Literally
Men use direct speech and take words literally. They find women's lack of conversational structure and purpose very disconcerting, and accuse women of not knowing what they're talking about. They respond by saying things like "What's the point here?" "Where is this conversation going?" and "What's the bottom line?"
Men then proceed to talk to a woman as if she is a mental patient or will cut her off by saying "We've been over this a dozen times", "How much longer will this take?" and "This conversation is too much hard work and isn't going anywhere!"

Indirect Talk In Business
When a woman uses indirect speech in business, it can prove problematic because men may have difficulty following a multi-tracked, indirect conversation.
Men need to be presented with clear , logical, organised ideas and information before they will make a decision. A woman can have her ideas and requests rejected purely because her male boss didn't have a clue what she really wanted.

Marie's Story
After six months of negotiations, Marie finally won the chance to present her company's new advertising program to a big financial client. The audience would be eight men and four women, the account up for grabs was worth $200,000, and she had 30 minutes to sell her story.
As she started into her presentation, however, she noticed how blankly the men were regarding her. She felt they were judging her critically and, assuming they were losing interest, she began to multi-track her presentation to try to spur their interest by going back to previous slides, talking indirectly and trying to show how one related to the other.
The women were giving her encouragement by smiling at her, using various facial expressions and making listening sounds like, "Uh huh", "Right!" and "Mmmmm" and generally looking interested.
Marie was excited by the women's feedback and started pitching her story to them, unintentionally ignoring the men. Her entire presentation became a juggling act. She finished and departed, convinced she'd done a great job and eagerly waited for the company's response.
Here's the conversation that took place between the male executives over coffee after Marie had gone:
Marketing Director: "Do you guys have an idea in hell c what she was talking about?".
Chief Executive: "No…she lost me. Tell her to sent the proposal in writing."
Marie had multi-tracked her presentation and used indirect talk with a group of men who didn't have a clue what she was talking about or what related to what. The women executives were happy with the presentation and had participated by asking questions but no man wanted to raise his hand and admit he didn't understand.
A woman needs to understand that if a man doesn't follow what she's saying he'll often pretend he understands rather than look stupid.
Regardless of a man's age, a woman still needs to talk with direct speech. Give him timetables, agenda, bottom line answers and deadlines.
Women need to be direct with men in business and give them one thing at a time to consider. Marie is still waiting for an answer…